MEET BARLEY

Getting a new teat job.

We had our first milk cow Brie for almost a year. I was SO obsessed with her- such a honey. Great with kids. Deep brown baby fawn eyes. What can I say, I have the hots for blonde bovine.

Unfortunately…she ended up being open. Open- means the cow is not pregnant, open uterus & open for bullish business if you know what I mean. I get this question quite a bit- “Do cows always have milk?” The answer is no…just like humans and other mammals, our bodies produce milk to feed the offspring. No baby means no milk.

The summer of 2019 we AI’d (Artificial Insemination) Brie with some Simmental semen that we were breeding our beef herd to (we don’t have a bull). She showed no signs of heat, up until this spring. I was assuming she was preggo…until my son came running across the house saying Brie was going to have a baby because the steer that was in her pen was getting a piggy back ride- that’s sex ed explanations on the farm from a kindergartener. DANG IT! I gloved up and went in- open she was.

From Blog Character to Craigslist

So there I was. Stuck with a milk cow that won’t milk for another 9 months (gestation period for cattle). At this point she had been open for almost 2 years and the saying with animals goes, “If you don’t use it you loose it.” My fear was- I could rebreed her but that’s another 9 months of feeding an animal that possibly won’t breed back. Talks cheap, hays not.

AKA: Lawn Ornament.

Craigslist bound: $750- Family milk cow, followed by a long lost memories bit I blabbed on there as a good selling point. The phone calls came and came. And Brie was sold. That day.

Then there was Barley.

Currently, I’m the unemployed-stay at home-homeschool mom for the next…we don’t know how long so staying within budget was a must (Rona-referral). I jumped on Craigslist as a buyer with $750 coming into my pocket in 3 days. I came across “Barley” who was at her former farm called “Heather” the Jersey cow for $900 and included an udder full of milk and a portable milking machine. It was over my budget so I bartered and asked what the price would be without the milking machine- $700. The cow was mine.

She was by far the cheapest family milk cow on Craigslist and oddly enough there was quite a few listed that week. I figured this cow must have issues or the people didn’t know what they had, which was exactly the case. She was 3 hours away. I hooked up the trailer, threw the kids and half the house in the pickup. We were off.

Pail Grinding + Potty Training

When we got there the family of 8 was wandering around the yard with metal detectors so I tried to keep the kids in the barn with me, keeping that 6 foot distance in mind. I wanted to milk her out before we left to make sure I could handle her and she could handle “us”.

Mid milking I look out into the yard- and there with a face of glory my newly potty trained daughter is taking a big fat dump in these peoples front lawn. I was half mortified. I could tell she was struggling to get that last bit off as she would stand and then squat back down.

My head was all intimate in cow flank but I one hand waved at her to get her attention and started grinding the pail with my rear to give her the motion to copy like some screwed up version of that Simon says game.

After I finished milking, I ran around the lawn with a grocery bag picking up poop like those dog moms in the city- praying the family would keep those metal detectors going for treasure over there instead of the one I am finding over here.

SOLD for $700 to the sweaty ass mom holding cash in one hand and a poop bag in the other.

She loaded like a bat outta hell, perfect I like the spicy ones better anyways. Got her home and she’s been kicking out about 3 gallons a day. She had a calf 4 months ago and needs to get bred back, like seriously here we go again. But. She has been a FANTASTIC addition to our homestead and has fulfilled her purpose- keeping that bread on the table buttered.

Meet Barley.